The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries immense significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really their explanation near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .

But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that numerous of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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