The Sex Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce get more oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of destination, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting link stimulates!

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